Shaken

I debated for quite some time whether I wanted to share this, and for whatever reason I've decided to bite the bullet and just do it. Yesterday Maggie rolled off her changing table. I turned my back for a couple of seconds and when I turned around she was on the floor. I have never been so terrified in my whole life. I completely went in to autopilot to scoop her up and then proceeded to lose my mind for a minute. When I got myself together I called Brian and then the Dr. They were able to see her right away and Brian would meet us there. That drive to the doctor's was horrible. I felt that I needed to keep her awake, in case of a concussion, and all she wanted to do was sleep because it was her nap time. I sang her name and babbled on to her and cried for her to please stay awake. Honestly I have no idea how I got to the office.
When we finally made it there, Brian pulled into the parking lot right behind us and I have never been so happy to see him. Maggie was happy to see him, too. She was smiling and laughing. The doctor checked her over and said that she looked fine and that we should keep her awake for the next couple of hours to keep an eye on her.
I spent the rest of the day in a daze and I am still reeling. Maggie is fine and if you didn't know about the fall, you wouldn't know any different.
You don't have to tell me that I am so lucky, I know it. Trust me, I have played out all the different scenarios in my head. Still, I would give anything to go back to the start of the day and strap her securely in to that changing pad.
I am not writing this for sympathy (although I do appreciate it) and if you want to chastise me, believe me there is nothing you can level at me that I haven't already thought. I am struggling with some major feelings of inadequacy and this is something that I am going to have to work through. The real reason that I decided to share was just to reiterate once again that it only takes a split second and I would never wish the terror that I went through on anyone.
I know that this blog is normally sunshine and fluff, but I really felt that this needed to be shared and if I can't do it here, then I am not being true to myself. Thank you.